A piece of paper is not enough

As of recent, I've decided to give myself an education. Previous to this present season of life, I admittedly (and guiltily) believed that receiving the paper that one is presented with if completed all the required classes for a B.A., meant that I was educated. This is not true.

However, gratefully (and obviously), I have come to the realization that the world, indeed, has continued to spin. Thus, there are a plethora of things to continue to learn about. Upon this new season of life, I realize how very little I know about the world--its politics, economics, culture and art. I blame my heritage for it taking me 24 years to realize how little I know.

Did that sound harsh? I hope it didn't. But where I come from knowledge, experience, even questions about the outside world is minimal. I was the first in my extended family to receive a college degree and this led me to believe that my education was complete. I didn't think about my learning beyond Fresno; although, I quite instinctively felt that I wanted to see more, experience more. (Please note: I am not trying to denigrate where I'm from or who I am. I'm proud of my Mexican/American heritage. I am proud of growing up on a farm in the Central Valley. I am now, more than ever.)

I've been exposed to a lot in a short period of time since moving to Kentucky. This is not because Kentucky is the center of the world for culture, arts and politics. (It definitely is not.) But perhaps because of the diverse people that I've met or because of specific situations that I've found myself in, that I now have discovered how little I know.

Whatever the reason, the truth is that I do need to continue learning. And now that I've come to this realization, my brain has become a 7/11 always-open, type of sponge. It is eager and desperate to receive all the possible information that it can within a 24 hour day. That's right, sometimes I don't even want to sleep because I want to stay up and read about theology or explore politics online or watch a documentary on how to grow an organic farm or write about what I'm learning or continue studying the Spanish language, so that my brain will grow and education will continue. I've felt quite obsessive for the past two weeks or so. Sometimes I can't sit still unless I'm learning or doing something productive.

I've had a thought to record what I learn and the opinions that I have formed as a result of my education here, on this blog. Right now it's just a thought.

My only fear is that this intense flame that has bubbled inside me will die with time. I do hope that this does not happen.

Foreshadow

Discipleship

"The third momentous implication is that this people-growth happens only through the power of God's Spirit as he applies his word to people's hearts. That's the way people are converted, and that's the way people grow in maturity in Christ. We plant and water, but God gives the growth. We speak God's word to someone, and the Spirit enables a response."

-Marshall & Payne

Basics, but this is the Church.

would it be much better if i knew nothing about you

Mi Nuevo Apartmento

Muchas palabras

Hay muchas palabras que quiero decir... pero no puedo. Mis palabras flotando.

Julia

I love Julia Child. I love cooking. It has become like art to me. I wish I could experiment all day long.

Fashion

La mujer esta en el apartamento.



http://middlechildcomplex.tumblr.com

I love the fashion on the above blog-- for the most part, it exemplifies my taste. I like what is vintage, classy, with a beautiful hint of quirky. I love the feminine suggestiveness through each photo. It inspires me.

More to come.

Lately

I think I know who I am now. Took me awhile, but I figured it out.

Something that I am learning about myself...

I am an optimist. That is why I love to write stories.

I am usually always filled with hope towards difficult situations. This is not always for my benefit.

These qualities cause me to not give up easily and believe that anything can be done.


It's a sweet and bitter providence.

These days

I just don't feel like I need to use social media these days anymore. No blog, (less) twitter, and facebook. I can find a better outlet of expressing my creativity than the internet.

We'll see if this lasts.

Job 37:13

"Whether for correction or for his land or for love, he causes it to happen."
Job 37:13

Eph 5:1-2

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Ephesians 5:1-2

late night doodle

God's Word

I want to be the kind of person that loves, values and treasures the Word of God.

Women

"At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships."

-John Piper

Hippies

Love this

We're so cool.

Let me hide myself in Thee

Heartbreak

My heart is broken.

I long for those whom I love to have their blinded eyes open. I want them to see the truth. I want to have a real relationship with them.

My heart is broken every time I think about their eternity.
I can't allow myself to think about this for too long.

this inspires me

Biiirrrd

I just want to be me.
Be a bird wild and free.



But now that the bird has left her cage, I'm not convinced she remembers how to fly.

Kentucky

It has been six weeks since I've moved to Kentucky; however, it seems like six months worth of happenings have happened.

I expect time to slow down after next week. This Thursday I will be going home to Fresno, CA to be in Jeremy and Tamila's wedding!! It will be good to go home and see family and friends again, but more specifically, to reflect on the changes that have occurred since April 5th.

The move has just been so very blessed. I'm so grateful to God that he would care enough to provide, protect, and lead me in countless ways! I have a job--working for an institution that I respect and care for. I have been taken care of when it comes to having a place to stay. I was living in the dorms on campus for the past six weeks. Today I moved into an apartment where I am "house sitting" for a couple for the majority of the summer. After this gig, I have no idea where I'll be but I can rest in the sovereign care of the Father. I've been meeting some really cool people here and am so grateful to be making friends. Moving 8 states away does not come without it's challenges--I've been stretched and tried--but I know that even those moments are for my good and God's glory, Romans 8:28.

I have no idea what else is going to come my way by the end of the summer, but I'm excited to see what it is. If you are reading this, I would ask that you would please pray for me to stay faithful to the gospel. I want to be faithful to keeping the Lord number one priority, particularly when it comes to future decisions and directions in my life, especially within the entire spectrum of relationships that I live in (both with family and friends.)

To finish out this post, I will share a few highlights from my very first visit to Louisville until the most current happenings. I apologize for the poor quality of the photos and lack of creativity, as these are only off my iPhone.



Tamila and I began our first trip to Louisville, Kentucky on March 2nd 2011. We left from the SFO airport on a rainy night.


Southern's campus is so beautiful. There is certainly nothing like this in California.


I was blessed to meet and stay with the Harmon's. They were so kind to let us stay with them.

Here are the two lovebirds. :) I can't wait til they are married!

Funky Lynn's Cafe.


When I came back from Louisville, my life changed. I ended up getting a job at Southern and had to pack up my stuff and fly back. The most difficult thing for me to part from were my books. Please excuse the messy-ness of the shelf.

On the eve of Easter I went to a gospel folk concert. It was fascinatingly cultural experience.

I love the trees at Southern. Especially walking through them at night.

Quite often visit Hotel 21c where there is a great museum. This is my favorite piece. I hope to replicate it sometime this summer.


It rained for a long time and the Ohio River flooded.


I made a new friend who takes me to all the cool places in Louisville.

This is the building I work in.


Made some great friends.



Papalinos. I love pizza. After returning from Italy I became very picky about my pizza, but I am not picky about Papalino's pizza. Probably my favorite in the States so far. This pizza has elk meat on it.

Friends from California came to visit! It was good time. So grateful for my brothers, Vitaliy, James, and Ben.

More pizza.

Originally I had a great office with the best view ever. But I had to move. :(

My mom sent me this picture of my grandma and my newest baby cousin Isaiah. :)



Been writing and reading and listening to music a lot lately. It helps me think better.


I cut my hair, a little shorter than I meant to. But it will grow.

I'm not ashamed of taking sneaky pictures during moments I'd like to remember. Even when that involves strangers.


I'm excited that I was honored with the opportunity of being one of Tamila's bridesmaids! But I was sad that I didn't get to do all the bridesmaids stuff like go to bridal and bachelorette parties. However, on Saturday the girls went to Pismo and skyped me on T's phone. :)


Lots of deep thinking has been happening here in Kentucky. God is teaching and stretching me.


Stankevichi nephews. I miss these kiddos. & I love the Stankevich family.

I want to LIVE

Today I remembered a few random tidbits from when I was younger that might explain a little about who I am today:

• When I was around 7 or 8 I wanted so badly to be an orphan. It was not uncommon for my best friend at the time, and I to "play" orphans. Looking back on it, I don't think that it was the idea of being without a family that appealed to me. I love family. Rather, I think I was attracted to the idea of being a nomad. A wanderer. Something that still appeals to me to this day. I like the idea of living simply and not having a permanent home.
  
• In the 6th grade I was obsessed with the book Harriet the Spy. I used to pack up essentials into my backpack, grab my composition notebook and head into the grapevines to pretend that I was really a spy.
  
• In the eight grade I attempted to read Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time. That should say enough.

BLAH

i want to create something, express myself--my thoughts--but have no medium or time or the environment/space, so my thoughts. are. stuck. inmyhead.

it's like having an itch and not being able to scratch it.

so much on the mind.
BLAH

I feel it all

This song makes me feel alive.

**It Is Well With My Soul**

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

--Horatio Spafford

//May it be for me, Lord.//

Initial thoughts

Louisville:

1. I feel like I'm driving in LA (bad drivers everywhere)
2. The stoplights are weird
3. The streets are small
4. The air always feels wet, even when people tell me that it's not really humid
5. The people here are different

Crickets & Frogs

I am sitting on my yellow bed, in my empty room with the window open listening to the train & crickets & frogs. My life will be totally changing within 36 hours.

On Sunday I will be driving to Louisville, Kentucky to live, work, and serve at church there. There is definitely a feeling in my gut that has never been felt before. The feeling is this: anticipation of what will be coming my way/did I just make the right choice? Was this God? Or me?

In either situation, I know that Christ will still reign. If I go through struggle mode in Louisville, then it will be for His glory and my good. I know the book answers, I know what is truth--but I think that now, more than ever, I will need to live my theology. O help my unbelief!

Things are really about to change... entirely more than my life has ever changed before. I am at the mercy of God. I am not in control of anything!

I want to take joy in this, but the truth is right now I'm feeling more anxious than joyful. May the gospel permeate my very being!!!

The quest for joy is a fight!
... and I love it!!

Whirlwind

Well, it looks like I'm moving to Kentucky. These last two weeks have been a complete whirlwind of events.

However, I can't say this for sure, because I'm learning more and more about how I am NOT in control of what happens in my life! Hah. So it looks like I may be moving Kentucky, but we'll see what actually comes to pass! I did not ask for this, but it happened, and even though I am sad to leave Fresno, I am excited to see what happens in Looavul.

Revelations 19

Sometimes He just fills me so much that I want to burst into a million pieces because nothing on this earth is enough. But His grace is sufficient.

Thoughts as I watch the sky go by

I want to live my life in an intentional way.

Where I am

"Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter around on the porch of eternity."
-John Piper

"Whatever comes, we shall endure."

During this season of life...

...I'm learning.

200th post!

I will celebrate my 200th post with two of my favorite boys. They bring me much joy & silliness :):)

Braden & Tyler

Resolutions: Paul Tripp

This is a very good article. You should read it here

Should I take back my resolutions? Maybe. But most importantly I realized something life changing while reading this article.

Life is the millions of tiny choices you make. It IS important to stay faithful.

This was good for me to read. I hope I will remember it.

I need grace.