Mixed signals are never fun

Perugian evenings.




Studying abroad is hard. (I don't mean to complain, only state a fact.)

Before Spring Break, I was at the peak of my adventure here, midterms were done, I used my webcam to see home a few times, I was finally going to experience some new countries and even though I missed people from home, I was having a great time.

However, this past week has been the most challenging one so far. Between mid semester stress, realizing that i've been away from home for 2 and a half months, being violated as our apartment was broken into and the only thing I had to connect me with home was ripped from my finger tips, the stress and anxiousness that many of my fellow students have joined me in has reached an all time high.

Bitterness has filled my week as I've seen more sides of American discrimination, become frustrated with the Italian government in getting (or not getting) my "permission to stay" paperwork, putting up with the unreliableness of Italian schooling, and it only helps me to write out my thoughts.

My computer was taken from me- what held my deepest memories of home: photos, music, letters, writings, etc. My computer connected me with home and now it's gone. I feel that home just might as well have been taken from me.

Lack of communication between me and those I love and care about back home, is frustrating. I don't know what is going on in their lives anymore and this frustrates me. How will I know if they even still care about me? How do I show care to them; how do you show affection when one is an ocean away?

But is this such a bad thing? Perhaps I should just take some time away from it all, engulf myself with the here and the now, and forget the world. Would that be a bad idea?

It was hard to sleep that night we got back from Spring Break. I couldn't sleep in my bed, knowing that that is where they stood, stealing my stuff. I slept with a roommate that night, and then Mel and I rearranged our room. Now, it's not a problem and I'm trying hard to look at this situation as a challenge to learn from. I heard a song on my ipod today, "Humble Me" by Norah Jones. Boy, have I been humbled.

And then I think: well, this is what I've asked for. I wanted to experience life away from everything I've ever known. It was ME who was set on studying abroad and while I am frustrated right now, I know that this is and will continue to be a life changing experience that none other will ever compare to.

Truth is, I love it here, even though it comes with the the frustrations and challenges of being alone; as no one here has known my name for longer than two months; as the people that surround me come from different backgrounds, beliefs, and moral standards; as i've experienced the horror of being broken into; as I've had many other experiences and travel trips in which stories should only be told in person. Yes, while all of this has been happening I know that I am here for a reason and I will continue to live out this reason. I don't want to fail.

I want to make sure that I can experience this blessing of a semester fully. Although, a part of me says to go home early, right after school, another part says to stick it out until my flight date of May 20th. I guess we'll see what happens.

Other notes: we've received a welcomed visit from Tina's boyfriend Chaz. He is here for the week and it's great to have this guy around. Especially with the circumstances of last week. He's a cool guy and we play games that remind me of game nights at home.

It was raining the first few days I got back but yesterday and today the sun was out warming up Perugia during the afternoon, which has been happy. This weekend I'm going on a school-put-on trip to Tuscany for three days. The weekend following is a four day weekend because of Easter, so I'll be doing some traveling then too.

Finally, I think that the last 2 months have felt like 6. So much has happened in such a small amount of time, it's been unbelievable. I feel and hope that I'm growing from this experience. While the last week has been challenging and long, I know that soon the present will be in the past.

And so I leave you with a big *sigh.*