Counting your chickens before they hatch (or treasuring the gifts and not the Giver)

Here is another lesson that I've learned and finally got around to putting it into words. Maybe a short anecdote will help explain it.

I was given a free gift. It was beautiful. (A '95 Ford Escort Station Wagon, it ran so super smooth and had low miles, & I totally dig wagons. :D..) I did not expect this to come but God used his children to give me a free car and I was so pumped for what that meant: I got to use this opportunity to boast in our Lord! I was excited and (probably prideful) to be quick to tell my parents and grandparents that it was grace! Grace, grace, God gave me a free car! So it was beyond the "want" (or so I thought) I mean, it wasn't a beautiful "hip" car, but I loved it because it was a great example of grace and that the Lord provides richly for what we need. These thoughts continued for a full day. I was excited. The day it happened, I got my car, drove to church, visited, came home, went to sleep, woke up and first thing: I washed it inside and out. So I was gonna stay home, but then i think, 'Man, i'm so excited, I'm just gonna go out and do some errands.' So I went to the bank and it was running beautifully.
I walk into the bank, do my business, come out and turn the key and RAHHHH, an ugggly noise comes out of the engine. So I bang my head on the steering wheel for a little bit because I can't believe that this is happening. I go out to check under the hood like I know what I'm looking for and cause everyone is looking at me. I open the hood with great authority like I do this all the time, give everything a good look over, except I have no clue at all what I'm looking at, and go in the car to try it again. Nothing. It won't turn over. I feel a mix of crying and severe anger. So after spending about 10 minutes in denial, I finally call my mom to ask my brother to come see if it needs to be jumped. He comes and nope, that certainly is not it. So I abandon my car until my dad gets off work and go home with Fidel.

When my dad checks it out he concludes that a rod in my motor bent and it will take more than it's worth to fix it. Booo was my heart. Immediately I become mad at God who "made me look like a fool" as in my heart I was gloating when I was telling everyone I knew that it was grace and God provides things out of thin air. Basically my heart was wretched toward the truth even when I was "trying to do the good thing" by boasting in the Lord.

That night was Upper Room potluck at Church so I go and while I'm there I realize a very important lesson: IT WAS STILL GRACE!!! EVERYTHING IS GRACE, even to the point of this: God is still giving us grace even when things that seem right aren't going right. Just because the things that have the appearance of right don't happen, doesn't mean that God isn't good. HE IS SOVEREIGN!


Well, I feel like I was able to put it into words better the other day. But the above is kinda what I got from this lesson. But does this make sense? Grace is EVERYTHING. This seems like such a simple "duh" statement, but for so long I "knew" this in my head and never "believed" it in my heart. This time around, I think it finally stuck.

When I was pondering these events a few days later I thought of this: what if someday the Lord will give me grace enough to be engaged to someone? and what if right after our engagement that person dies? Will I be crushed enough to curse God and turn away? NO. Because ALL is grace! I don't deserve this next breath I take, yet the Lord is gracious and merciful and loving! I shall rejoice in ALL circumstances, ALL GIFTS THE GOOD AND THE BAD because I will exalt the GIVER and not the gifts! :) The Lord gives and he takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!

As I look back on many past experiences, I see my attitude towards such circumstances. I counted my chickens before they hatched, believing that I knew what was gonna happen in my life. BOY WAS I WRONG! Haha, dead wrong! Many things crashed in my face as the very thing that I very much hoped against happened right in front of me. Multiple times! And my heart was wicked and hurt, and I didn't rejoice in the Christ. I didn't learn the lesson that I should have so many times before, when it had to do with people and relationships in my life, but I finally understand this lesson a little better when it had to do with a car. :)

Now I realize this: I have no control or idea what the future holds because whenever I think something is right it is usually wrong, and through this the Lord is turning my head & pointing me to Him and not the gifts, which is a great lesson to learn and I am thankful for it. :)

Now I'm learning to not try to guess but to simply abide and rest in Christ! Every second of the day I long for this! Because I can't guess anything! And I finally understand this verse:
Matt 6:27 "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" The Spirit brought it to my mind as I was marinating about this situation... When we worry about the future, we worry about the inevitable, and WHY WORRY ABOUT THE INEVITABLE?.... IT IS INEVITABLY GONNA HAPPEN AND WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT!

Whew! This gives me great relief in many areas in life! I'm finally gaining peace from God's sovereignty in many areas, especially: the area of marriage, work, family and friends. I'm not perfectly in tune and understanding this, but I've certainly learned a load of stuff within this topic and I'm grateful! :D